Fath Ead

 “Why do people in books call each other fath ead?” Hineni asked Two Hours Max, as they sat by the fire on that evening in late May, with Two's blanket round their shoulders just to be sure — it was very cold once the sun had gone down.

“What?” Two turned their head to look at him in puzzlement. “Call each other what?”

“Fath ead,” said Hineni.

Two Hours Max blinked, and continued to frown. Hineni could see the cogs turning inside. Then their expression cleared.

“Oh! Right! I see! Fat head.”

Hineni felt a little hurt by this. “I’m sorry? Why . . . ?”

“Fat head. It’s what they’re saying. Not fath ead. It’s because you only ever saw it written down, Hineni.” 

Hineni’s mouth dropped open as he took this in.

Then he felt really stupid.

“Not only that,” Two Hours Max said hastily, “but you know Dr Syooss? Yes? Who wrote The Cat in the Hat and Green Eggs and Ham? Well, apparently his name is actually Dr Soyss.” Two nodded impressively as he watched the surprise in Hineni’s face. “I know, right? Soice like voice. Who’d a thought it? And not only that, but there are psychopaths all over Holland.”

“Psychopaths . . .” Hineni faltered uncertainly. “Are you sure?”

“Well I was when I heard it said.” Two Hours Max grinned at him. “But not when I saw it written down.”

"Fath Ead," they added, affectionately.